#0039

Flashes of light dance in your eyes
And it's mesmorising to think of it all;
The life that lies before you.
Just pause...
Just breathe...
Just allow yourself to bask
In the possibilities
Of what could be...
Who he is...
Who you are...
Seems irrelevant.
You're both here, right now.
You share this moment in the sun,
Turning your face upward
To drink in this blissful, ignorant opportunity to dream.
It might be that the bright burning
That makes you glow
Is too many miles away to count
But you enjoy the rays,
Cupping your hands to catch it
And drink it deeply into your soul.
You discover the effervescence of hope.
That tiny embryo of limitless potential.
Mapping out a future...
It is your choice.

#0038

I was so angry with him
I took my love away with me
I ran to the beach.
I was confused and hurt.
I went via friends and fun.
I took myself for walks.
Yet you were all I could think of.
I sat on the rock we knew well
Stared at the tide
And lost myself in the ebb and flow.
I traced your name in the sand
And wondered if there was a way back
Or had I marooned myself too far off
For the waves to carry me home?
I had climbed on board and drifted away
Allowing myself to be a wanderer once more.
I tasted the freedom of the salty air
And I longed to return to you.
So, never truly being an island,
I got in my car and drove back.
Back to the same storm I had left behind?

My first view of you
Sitting in the audience
To watch me sing my feelings...
Was the stillest moment I have ever known.
I will never forget your smile
As I felt the sudden calm
Of those warm, familiar waters.
The storm was over.

Rediscovered 008

I think of how unfair it is

That he can seem to turn off his feelings

Then I remember that I do that too

He’s just like me.

Maybe this is my punishment

Maybe it’s me getting a taste of my own medicine-

Being in love with him.

I get to know the sting and the ache

The way I make people feel.

It’s not so good to be

On the other end of the pride,

The stubborn battle of wills. 

#0037

It's more than lust
We have that too, of course-
I want him more than I ever knew it was possible
To want another person.
That isn't it though.
It is merely this:
the feeling that you are so close
That if their heart stopped beating,
Yours would shortly follow
As though they were knit.

Oh, the inadequacy of words!
The ineloquence of language!
Feelings cannot be purely expressed.
Yet I love him more than anything.
I want to keep his heart safe
In my own chest.
We share every emotion.
My heart leaps for joy at his happiness,
And sulks at his suffering.

It's a craving to know him better
Than he knows himself.
A greed and thirst for his mind and soul.
I want to comfort him,
Help him; appreciate him
More than anyone has or will.
I'd make any sacrifice.
He never asks more than I can give.

It's not necessarily a physical hunger-
Not sexually, anyway.
Merely the incessant longing,
Impossible to subdue,
To sleep in his arms
Waking to the voice of love.
Our tapestry of true love.

Rediscovered 007

Sometimes I don’t think about it,

There are moments that pass without the thought even entering my mind.

But then there’s the lurking fear that it’ll hit me...

It’ll hit me when I least expect it.

Like when I see a really cute puppy on the street

And I get out my phone, eager to let you know

Eager to share this moment with you...

And then I realise I have nowhere to send a text to

Or

When I wake up in the morning and feel happy

And I lie there, calm, letting the morning rays cast their light on my life

And then I realise that some part of me is still shrouded in shadow

The sun hasn’t been able to touch that part of me

that feels empty now.

I remind myself that this was a choice.

It was your choice.

You’d changed since you met me.

I’d helped you change.

So... maybe it was our choice.

But, oh sweetheart, when I lie in the morning missing you; your smell, your touch, your taste... Everything seems so unfair and I can feel the tantrum bubbling up in my chest, threatening to boil over.

And so here I sit.

Impatient

And not waiting

But I won’t move from this space without you. 

Rediscovered 006

I stare accusingly at the phone
As though, somehow, it is to blame
The source of my turmoil,
Confusion and pain.

I know you cannot read my mind
But I send you signals down the line
While I promise myself that I will not
Let you waste more of my time.

I think some people see no point
In the small issues of trust
The seemingly insignificant;
If you promise to call: you must.

I wonder if you are somewhere
Lying, dying, in a street,
The victim of a mugging
From those no one would wish to meet.

I decided the things you say to me
Must mostly be untrue
Your love is fair weather
And when convenient to you.

I stop expecting courtesies;
Explanations of your omission,
I'm going to stop accusing you
Or making special provision.

I conclude that you're no good for me,
Your kind of love's not great.
I hope some day you'll find someone
You appreciate.

I might take time forgetting you,
But when loneliness does attack
I'll remember the hours spent waiting for you
And never look back!

#0036

I miss your boat-shoes in my hallway;
The ones I threw into the river that time.
It made us howl with laughter to see them
Floating down the stream.
I miss them; as if seeing them would bring your laughter back.

I wonder if we'll sink or float.