#0027

Magpie.
There was just one
But I didn't turn my eyes away.
I smiled.
It stepped boldly nearer
And the memories were my companions.
Sorrow?
I looked again and saw
That there were two- there always had been-
Overlooked
Though the other had been.
I could not help but laugh at myself,
And the magpies.
There's always two
We just have to take the time to see.

#0026

I sit here in my tower
Unsure of why I wait
A few handsome princes have attempted
To rescue me from this fate.
Some were brave and cunning,
And so polite! but yet
In my mind was the man
Who was the first I met.
I do not know if he was a knight;
Though it was in his countenance
Yet I think he thought my love for him
Was more due to circumstance.
Our time together was all too brief
The love seemed heaven blessed
But something was urging him on
To persue a lofty quest.
He vowed to me he would be back
And into the sun he fled
It seemed to me all light grew dim
And the moon that night was red.
It's tiring to sit here
And be the one who stays,
Though keeping busy tends to pass
The most tedious of days.
With every set of hooves I see
My knight returning here
His head held high in victory
The path for us so clear.
I'll educate my mind so that
When that great day arrives
I'm prepared for the adventures
We'll chase together in our lives.

#0025

I hear love songs and sing along
My natural enthusiasm carrying me away
With the tune, the beat, the words.
It's incredible, really,
How easy it is to forget
For just a brief moment.
It's as if I suddenly snap back
Out of my daydream where at any second
You could walk through the door,
Plant a kiss on my lips,
And hold me.

Back to this.
I know I am lucky
I'm counting months now,
Not days yet; but not years either
And I still talk to you so much
I sometimes forget you can't hear it.

Perhaps I've changed from the girl who needed you.
I go to sleep with no kiss goodnight
And no tears over that either.
Occasionally I feel pangs of envy
For people who've met a long time after us
But get to act as though they love as deeply-
Well, how can they really?
But I leave them unaware that there is something more
Something that only comes from being apart
And living through that.
Until you have missed someone so much you can barely breathe and every moment keeps playing in your head and you fear the darkness that their absence has left you in and you fear the changes occuring within yourself that may take you further from being the person he loved,
I'm not sure you can truly say you know love.
Even in that there's a lie-
Because really, love is what is left when you realise you don't need someone,
But you want them desperately all the same.

So, my memory can fade without my resistance.
I'll let you go.
And one day you will walk right back in that door
And it will feel like you never left
And we will love, deeply.

#0024

I wake up this morning
Defeaned by grief.
I snooze; believing my hearing
Will be restored when I open my eyes again.

I stretch, and get out of bed.
I breathe.

I recognised the hole in my heart.
I light the candle on my sill,
To calm myself,
and get in the shower.
It seems to me there is still
Dirt on my right hand-
from yesterday.
I don't try and brush it off.

I forget to wash my face
And turn the water off, then back on.
The ease of this plunges me
Into dark thoughts.

I will never hear the simple:
"Is anybody home?"
And go rushing to greet him, as we did when we were young...
Though, perhaps I will one day?

I dry myself and reenter the room
Where the candle burns brightly.
I fear it will scorch the fragile plant beside it,
But I do not move the plant.

I dress and make the bed,
And am glad of the learned patterns within my brain
So I don't have to think as I do those things;
The everyday; the mundane.

As if in vague dreaming, I remember telling someone last night as I cried
How I mistrust people.
I berrate myself and determine to think that way less,
And as He did more.

I get into the car and, unthinking, begin to sing to myself.
It's a love song; unrelated to Him or yesterday.
I remember not being able to sing for Him
Through the tears.
I stop singing.
The tune dies on my lips.
The radio seems inappropriate
And I lose myself in thought.

When I pull up, I do not recall my drive.

Oh! The train is here! I'm going to be late! Better catch it!

And life rushes on...

#0023

The pain of losing you, I thought,
Was something I could use
To reveal depth of emotion;
Still realing from the news.
Yet, as I put pen to paper
I cannot think that I
Would show you disrespect to act
Like all you did... was die.
You went about throughout your life
Doing others good,
And to displace that memory
Is something I never should.
So this is no poem of regret
Or a ballad to goodbye,
Though it is true that I look back
and give a wistful sigh,
Then shake myself and recall the joy
And happiness that was shared;
I know that the call homeward came,
And that you were prepared.
The strands that came together in you
In the hands of the weaver
Were seen by all who knew you;
A true and firm believer.
You lived by the law of kindness
Staying close to God, you prayed
Being led to those who needed you
Willingly, you gave them aid.
You were no saint and I will try
And remember the good and bad
To give myself a real view
Of a true Person; Friend; Father and Granddad.