#0025

I hear love songs and sing along
My natural enthusiasm carrying me away
With the tune, the beat, the words.
It's incredible, really,
How easy it is to forget
For just a brief moment.
It's as if I suddenly snap back
Out of my daydream where at any second
You could walk through the door,
Plant a kiss on my lips,
And hold me.

Back to this.
I know I am lucky
I'm counting months now,
Not days yet; but not years either
And I still talk to you so much
I sometimes forget you can't hear it.

Perhaps I've changed from the girl who needed you.
I go to sleep with no kiss goodnight
And no tears over that either.
Occasionally I feel pangs of envy
For people who've met a long time after us
But get to act as though they love as deeply-
Well, how can they really?
But I leave them unaware that there is something more
Something that only comes from being apart
And living through that.
Until you have missed someone so much you can barely breathe and every moment keeps playing in your head and you fear the darkness that their absence has left you in and you fear the changes occuring within yourself that may take you further from being the person he loved,
I'm not sure you can truly say you know love.
Even in that there's a lie-
Because really, love is what is left when you realise you don't need someone,
But you want them desperately all the same.

So, my memory can fade without my resistance.
I'll let you go.
And one day you will walk right back in that door
And it will feel like you never left
And we will love, deeply.